Here's the link! Note: The interview is an hour long.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
My view on Attachment Parenting
As a young woman who grew up as the oldest in her family I was always interested in parenting philosophies. When I headed to my adult years I began to discuss different views with my parents, and more recently with my husband. A few years ago I started to hear more about the popular Attachment Parenting philosophy. At first I was intrigued but withheld judgment. I was waiting for research and results. In the meantime, I have read every article and blog post I could find on the subject - pro, con, and indifferent. I’ve also been closely watching the children of parents who subscribe (to varying degrees) to attachment parenting.
For the purposes of this article I am painting in broad brush strokes and summarizing attachment parenting with the popularized 3-B’s: Breastfeeding, Baby-wearing, and Bed-sharing. From the research I have done attachment parenting theory stems from psychologists’ research of primitive tribes, particularly mother-child interactions in Amazonian tribes.
As mentioned before, I’m the oldest of 7 children. I am not yet a parent, but expectantly wait the day when I am blessed with the privilege of motherhood. I am not unfamiliar with birth and bringing up babies. I grew up seeing my mother breastfeed, and carried my brothers and sisters around in front and back baby carriers.
I have decided that it is finally time for me to carefully pen my views on this topic. My concerns with the attachment parenting craze are three-fold.
The American culture we live in is extremely self-centered. As Christians, particularly Christian families, we are called to fight against selfishness and live a life of obedience to Jesus Christ. As parents we should be laying our lives down for our spouse, and be modeling a life of other-centeredness. Attachment parenting in practice is extremely self-centered and child-centered at its core. It places the parent-child relationship (particularly, mother-child) above all other relationships. Reflecting on the fact that the most important part of a traditional, healthy parent-child relationship is the parent-parent relationship, attachment parenting encourages misprioritization. One of the most horrifying results of attachment parenting’s co-sleeping or bed-sharing is what should be called “relationship replacement”. I know of one father who has been sleeping on the couch for the better part of 2 years because his toddler son will only sleep with the mother in their master bed. In that family’s dynamic the husband has been replaced by the son. They now have a daughter and the toddler son and baby daughter sleep in the big bed with Mom while Dad sleeps on the couch. Dad has been relegated to the role of guest on the couch in his own home. I can almost guarantee that this toddler son who already has little respect for his father will grow up to despise and hate his father for allowing this unhealthy relationship to develop. Yes, babies have needs. They get hungry, wet, and scared at night. That doesn’t mean they have to sleep with us. Good parents are one cry away from their babies.
A child-centered philosophy of parenting is also selfish for each parent because the parent’s value as a person is mixed up in their child’s need for them. This is particularly important for women to recognize. As a woman I believe I can challenge other women in this area. Our value and priorities must be in this order: my God and how He sees me as a woman and His daughter, my husband and his view of me as his helper, partner, lover, and sister in Christ, and then my child and his view of me as his parent. If I get those out of order then I am mis-portraying my own values system to my child. Children are so smart that they will easily pick up on these inconsistencies in our worldview and practice. As they say, the proof is in the pudding. One of the most heartbreaking observations among parents who have homeschooled their children is the rampant divorces that are taking place. As their younger children grow up the parents realize their marriage has fallen apart. These parents have incorrectly prioritized their children over their spouse. I think this mistake is easy to make and know that when I become a parent I must hold myself to a high standard.
Missing Long Term Vision
My second concern flows straight from the first one, particularly this: attachment parenting lends itself to a short-term vision for your children and your family. One of my parents’ sayings during our childhood was: “We are not raising children. We are raising future adults.” I didn’t realize the profundity of that philosophy until I had made it to adulthood. My transition from child to teenager to adult was very smooth and I credit that to my parents’ challenging us to grow and mature. My parents worked hard to make sure that we realized we were not the center of the universe, not even their universe. We were loved and cherished, and never for a moment questioned or wondered about their love for us. However, we fit into their lives, not the other way around. I fear that the short-term concern of parents who follow attachment theories for their baby’s or toddler’s needs encourages only raising children, not adults.
Let me expand this thought further with one example. While I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding, I am not a believer in extended breastfeeding or that children should determine when they want to wean. Breastfeeding is a good thing. It is the way God designed babies to be fed, and science has proven that it makes for healthier, happier and more wholesome children. However, in what other case is it acceptable to allow children to make the decisions for their life? Never, unless we want to raise disobedient, selfish, and unhealthy children. I don’t think any parent would want to start their child on that path.
The family is the child’s first government. Children, even babies, must know that their parents are their authority and that their job as little ones is to listen, learn, and obey. When my Mother realized that her little one was not as interested in eating or could handle solid foods well, that’s when she weaned us. It was a different age for each of us. She realized that breastfeeding was not about her being needed by her child. Her job as a parent was to grow her children up, not plateau them at any stage. Attachment parenting in practice makes the parent’s concern to be what the baby needs or wants now, not what they need for the future, which is a short-sighted perspective.
My final concern also stems from my parents’ influence on my life. They taught me to always dig for the motivation behind any movement. If you know me, you know I’ve dug for why my generation isn’t getting married, among other things.
I keep asking myself, “Why?” “Why are so many of my fellow homeschool graduate Moms enamored with this theory?” Perhaps I’m most concerned about this because it’s ambiguous, and it could be a different reason for each person. I will always defend each couple’s right to raise their children the way they think is best, so long as it does not counter the Word of God. I still think that it is important for us to ask ourselves why we might be attracted to this theory, or what our personal motivation is.
Are you attracted to this theory because it is the newest idea out there? Or, because your friends are doing it? Or, is it because you are craving to do something different that your parents? As young married couples with families we must guard against reacting to our parents’ little mistakes in a big way.
We should certainly learn from our parents, but we shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. I can’t answer why you, my reader, is interested in attachment parenting theory. Regardless of your reason I would challenge you to think about your motivations, be thoughtful in reading both sides, and count the cost.
One final encouragement
As we raise Godly families let’s remember that theories, plans, and ideas should never be our hope. We must only hope in the Lord, and follow the principles He has given us in His Word. Let’s turn to those principles, stay in constant prayer, and model Godly lives as we raise the next generation.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Here is the evidence.
And, then Lucas asked me why *I* was there!
Other supporters chimed in as well.
Mr. Diaz expresses his support for Mr. Cathy!
It was a yummy treat, but more than that it was refreshing to see people put their money where their mouth is and support the beliefs they profess. I have many more thoughts about the Chick fil a day, but they are going to have to wait for the next post.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
We take a break from our regularly scheduled blogging to remind you (or encourage you) to join us for the Covenant Academy Shotgun contest this Saturday. All info is on the link above ^^^.
See you then!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Quoting from a July 4, 2012 article posted here
“The report takes its definitions from a 2011 study entitled Profiles of Perpetrators of Terrorism, produced by the National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism, in which the following characteristics are used to identify terrorists.
- Americans who believe their “way of life” is under attack;
- Americans who are “fiercely nationalistic (as opposed to universal and international in orientation)”;
- People who consider themselves “anti-global” (presumably those who are wary of the loss of American sovereignty);
- Americans who are “suspicious of centralized federal authority”;
- Americans who are “reverent of individual liberty”;
People who “believe in conspiracy theories that involve grave threat to national sovereignty and/or personal liberty.”
The Author, Paul Joseph Watson later states, “Under the FBI’s Communities Against Terrorism program, the bulk purchase of food is labeled as a potential indication of terrorist activity, as is using cash to pay for a cup of coffee, and showing an interest in web privacy when using the Internet in a public place.
As we have documented on numerous occasions, the federal government routinely characterizes mundane behavior as extremist activity or a potential indicator of terrorist intent. As part of its ‘See Something, Say Something’ campaign, the Department of Homeland Security educates the public that generic activities performed by millions of people every day, including using a video camera, talking to police officers, wearing hoodies, driving vans, writing on a piece of paper, and using a cell phone recording application,” are all potential signs of terrorist activity.”
Let me make something clear. I am as anti-terrorist (including domestic terrorists) as a person can get. That’s probably why I carry my own personal defense system wherever I go! Like the old adage says, “An armed society is a polite society.”
Since I wasn’t polled for this outrageous study, allow me to clarify where I stand.
I avoid debt at all costs. (Yes, pun intended.)
I buy food in bulk. Mostly rice and beans.
And, we eat rice and beans. A lot of it. Partly because it is cheap, and partly because its healthy.
We grow our own vegetables, and we believe in harvesting as much fresh fruit and veggies as we can. Harvesting includes drying, freezing, canning, and making as many products from these fruits and veggies as possible.
We believe composting and recycling are ways to be a good steward of our resources.
We believe that we shouldn’t buy something if we have to put it on a credit card, especially, our cups of coffee - which are few and far between. Coffee is a luxury, and we don’t live in times where we can afford many luxuries.
We would rather save money than spend it. Especially if that money is gold, silver, or old coins. In fact, if we could barter for everything, we would. You give me your farm-fresh eggs and I’ll give you some of my apricot preserves!
And, if that isn’t crazy enough when I see a law enforcement official doing something to endanger the lives of my fellow citizens I’m more than likely to take a picture or video. If our Founding Fathers could list their grievances in the Declaration of Independence, I have every right to record mine.
Call me crunchy, call me a little to the right of normal, but whatever you call me, don’t call me a terrorist. It is an outrage that we don’t stand up and yell “foul” when our responsible, self-governing and thoroughly American behavior is called terrorist behavior.
The only thing I may be considered an enemy to is debt and a cradle-to-grave dependence on my government. That’s one label you can feel free to give me!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
This weekend will forever be marked as the strawberry weekend! Since Friday morning our house has smelled like strawberries and even now the sweet smell lingers.
Ever since I was a little girl I have loved picking and canning or freezing fresh fruit and veggies! And...I've always dreamed of doing it for my very own family...and that's exactly what I've been doing :)
On Friday morning we picked close to 60 pounds of organic strawberries. We are so blessed that our fruit season this year started early due to a very wet spring! Lucas washed the first box and we sorted them.
I had 3 grades. Eating (the almost ripe ones or, firm ones). Freezing (the ones that were perfectly ripe leaning to over-ripe) - they will go in smoothies or other yummy things throughout the year. Canning (the overripe and mushy ones) - they were for Strawberry Jam. I dreamed of a million things that I can make or can, but I'm trying not to bite off more than I can chew in the canning and freezing department my 1st year of marriage. (Pun intended).
So, in just about 12 hours time 60 pounds of strawberries were converted, with the amazing help of my dear husband and Mother in law, to 9 bags of frozen and vacuum packed berries, 23 pints of strawberry jam, and about 3 gallons of fresh eating berries.
This is the first time I've ever made strawberry jam, or actually jam of any sort.
Next on my list is apricots and cherries. And...I'm also very much looking forward to some fresh veggies soon.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
One of the things that blessed me as a young lady was reading blogs of young women who got married and would share tricks and tips about married life. So, I resolved that when I was a young married woman I would do my best to give folks glimpses into the new adventure in my life - both the failures and the victories!
My husband and I have more than one business. Combine that with the fact that I work a job where I have to carefully keep track of my hours and we knew that time management would be one of the keys to our success.
So, one of our favorite “rules” to operate by is what we call the “15 minute goal”. My husband and I actually started this before we were even engaged. Basically, we focus on one project or task for 15 minutes before switching gears. This has been especially helpful for me as I can so easily get sucked into a project and stay in a sedentary position for hours. This isn’t a good idea for anyone. With my job I do a large amount of writing and it is vital for me to keep my creativity tank full. Sitting still and doing the same thing over and over can definitely be an inspiration-killer, and I didn’t want that to happen! I know some folks might think that this sounds like multi-tasking and you’ll say “I can’t multi-task”. But, this isn’t multi-tasking. Let me give you a few examples.
On a typical work day, this is how I apply the 15-minute rule.
Wake up, take 15 minute or less shower & get dressed.
Spend 15 minutes making breakfast. Usually, breakfast is a milkshake and maybe some pancakes, eggs, or something.
Begin working. Spend 15 minutes checking & replying to email. Stop, even if I haven’t read every message.
Spend 15 minutes checking voicemails & replying to calls. Stop, even if you aren’t done. (Obviously, you can’t hang up on someone. 15 minutes is just a guideline to keep you going!)
Pull up 1st writing project of the day. Spend 15 minutes proofreading, editing, & writing. Stop.
Log in to social media outlets & check stats. Spend 15 minutes looking at posts, responding to messages & preparing your next post. Stop.
Research foundations & update database for 15 minutes. Stop.
Hand-write thank-you notes for 15 minutes. Stop.
At this point I’ve been at work 1.5 hours and made progress on 6 different things. If I did just 1 task, I would have spent my entire morning doing something like replying to emails. I would be tired of staring at one screen on my computer and frustrated that I’m not making any progress because every time I send an email someone replies and I would begin to feel I’m not getting anywhere. With my 15-minute strategy I know that I’m making some real progress in more than one area.
How about a weekend day, when I’m not working. Here’s how my Saturday last weekend started out.
Wake up, take 15 minute or less shower & get dressed.
Spend 15 minutes making breakfast. Usually, breakfast is a milkshake and maybe some pancakes, eggs, or something.
Spend 15 minutes rinsing dishes, putting them in dishwasher & tidying kitchen. Stop.
Go outside. Move rocks from where I’m going to plant my starts for 15 minutes. Stop.
Come inside and write wedding gift thank-you notes for 15 minutes. Stop.
Go in garage and assess which boxes need to be moved. Move them for 15 minutes. Stop.
Go back outside. Notice that the Christmas lights *still* need to be taken down. Take them down. Stop.
Go inside. Move load of laundry out of dryer. Move load of laundry from washer to dryer. Fold clothes. Stop.
Realize your pantry needs to be cleaned out so there’s room for all the things you want to can this summer. Organize it for 15 minutes. Stop.
Decide its time to sit down and you want to write a blog about the 15 minute rule. Grab laptop. Sit down & write for 15 minutes. Stop.
The hardest part for me is the “stopping” after 15 minutes. I want to keep going because I love seeing projects DONE. But, so many projects are easy to get burned out on or worse yet you have to rely on someone else to finish them. So, 15 minutes at a time actually makes it easier to get more done. Yes, sometimes it means you’ll have to come back to a project for 3 or 4 15-minute installments, but I think you’ll find you are generally more energized and enjoy the time you spend with each project.
Another advantage of this system is that It forces me to plan ahead. I can’t make a breakfast in less than 15 minutes if I don’t have bananas, berries, kefir, etc. already in the freezer for or morning smoothie - or at the very least have them easily accessible. It makes me think about what I have and (try to) plan meals ahead.
The main reason I love my (our) 15 minute goal is that It keeps me going. It makes big projects become bite-sized challenges. And, when I’m frustrated with a project not moving forward it makes me feel as if I’m moving forward if even just a little bit at a time. Try it out and let us know if it works for you!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Instead of just saying "Her Mother and I do", or something along those lines, he stepped aside and said these words:
You came to me desiring permission to seek the heart and hand of our daughter, Elysse.
In taking that initial step you recognized the God-given authority and headship given to me over her life.
As a result, we met several times. We talked of your family and your faith in Christ. We talked of marriage and God's purposes in that relationship. We talked of family and Gods vision for and kingdom purposes for the family. We spoke of Fatherhood and the great responsibilities it entails. We spoke of your role as husband and the service it requires.
Each of these times we looked to the Word of God, for only there can we find clarity in what God expects of us. Through our times tougher, we covered what the Word of God has required of me, and will now, by the transfer of responsibility, require of you to be the head and covering for Elysse.
Only as you keep Jesus Christ at the head and covering of your life and His Word as your Law for living can you fulfill what God intends for the husband of a marriage and the father of a family. Lucas, as you commit yourself to Elysse this day, and enter into the role of her head and covering, commit yourself to love her as Christ loves the Church, washing her with the water of His Word.
This is the last time I will address you as only my daughter. The next time we speak together, you will be the wife of Lucas. You will have taken on a new identity. For these past 27 years you have honored me as your father and as your head and overing. You have listened to my instruction and followed my lead. Yet, you have done even more.
Early, you learned to learn of God on your own. Having committed yourself to Christ, you have pursued a life in Him and consumed by Him. Years ago, I told you that before you could ever enter a courtship, you would have to be married first. Marriage, marriage to Christ was a necessary prerequisite to entering any courtship. Having been united with Christ and learned of His love, you can now be united with another and love him out of Christ's love for and in you. Having come into a true covenant with Christ, you can now enter into the covenant of marriage with Lucas.
Marriage, as you know, Elysse, is for God's glory and for the advancement of His Kingdom in the earth.
Elysse, as you enter into this covenant relationship with Lucas this day, recognize the great kingdom purposes for which the union has been ordained.
Pastor Chaney, it is with great joy that I respond to you, that her mother and I give this woman to this man.
May God's blessings to their fullest be upon this union.
Then, Daddy came over, lifted my first veil and hugged me. We were both trying not to cry. I want to make it a goal to re-read his challenge to us on a frequent basis. What wonderful words of wisdom!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Our wedding vows were one of the most important parts of our ceremony. We understand the seriousness of a vow. It is more than a promise; it is the seal of the covenant. God, who is perfect, just and holy will be holding us to these vows. If and when a vow is broken you have not just wronged the other person, but it is an affront to God and he will hold you accountable and meet out punishment. Though our entire ceremony was joyous, in both of our hearts we felt a certain solemnity and seriousness with our vows...and as we said them we were both on the edge of tears. :)
We both knew we wanted the traditional vows at our ceremony. I (Elysse) had also written personal vows shortly after I knew Lucas was "the one" but before we were ever engaged. The more we talked about our family vision the more we came to the conclusion that both traditional and personal vows would reflect the purposes for our commitment and marriage. You may note that the only difference between our traditional vows is that the word "obey" is inserted in my vows to Lucas. I was so disappointed to find out that most women do not include "obey". Unfortunately, feminism has caused women to believe that if they vow to obey their husbands they will be treated like children or some such silly notion. I have written on this extensively in "Fathers and Daughters: Raising Polished Cornerstones", but submission to one's husband is God's design and is very freeing and gives a woman comfort, security, and boldness to move forward in her calling as a wife, woman and full partner in the marriage.
I, Lucas, take you Elysse, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish according to the ordinance of God, until death do us part.
Elysse, you are my treasure
i will love you with my heart mind and strength even as I love my own body
i will sacrifice my desires for your welfare
i will take you with me to the spiced mountains of adventure
i will fight with you for the kingdom to come
i will be your refuge and counselor in God
i will direct your children and train them up in God's ways
i will be your pitcher refreshing you with God's words
i will be your equal in sin and God-given rights
i will respect you and what God has forged
i will pray assiduously for our union
i will tend our vineyards with you
i will set you as a seal upon my heart
I, Elysse, take you Lucas, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and obey according to the ordinance of God, until death do us part.
Lucas, you are my best friend
and first and only love.
Before God and these witnesses
I acknowledge that I must always seek Jesus first
so that I may love and respect you fully and well.
I vow to make that my daily goal
from this moment forward.
My heart belongs to you only
all the days of my life.
As God gave Adam a helper
so do I promise to help, serve, and encourage you
in your calling.
Your vision and purpose is mine.
You are now my leader and head.
Where you go I will gladly follow.
I covenant with you
to live out God's purpose for our family
bringing glory and honor to Him
and truth and light to the culture
through the generations we leave behind.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Every bit of our ceremony had much thought, prayer, and intentionality behind it - including the Scripture passages. While it is still fresh in our mind we want to share about different parts of it.
Many people have a passage about love at their wedding. Even though I Corinthians 13 is one of our absolute favorites, we wanted a passages specific to each of us that would remind us of our calling in Christ.
My grandfather, as a representative of the Godly heritage that both of us have been blessed with began the reading with Job 29, verses 12 to 25 - the Biblical standard for a Godly man. Job seems to some like an odd role model, but God continually rewards and blesses him for his character and calls Job righteous. Our culture would do well to look to Job as the standard for raising Christian warriors. (Lucas' favorite verse is 17...any surprise?)
"I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him. The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy. I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem. I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame. I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out. And I brake the jaws of the wicked, and plucked the spoil out of his teeth. Then I said, I shall die in my nest, and I shall multiply my days as the sand. My root was spread out by the waters, and the dew lay all night upon my branch. My glory was fresh in me, and my bow was renewed in my hand. Unto me men gave ear, and waited, and kept silence at my counsel. After my words they spake not again; and my speech dropped upon them. And they waited for me as for the rain; and they opened their mouth wide as for the latter rain. If I laughed on them, they believed it not; and the light of my countenance they cast not down. I chose out their way, and sat chief, and dwelt as a king in the army, as one that comforteth the mourners."
The second passage was a call to Godly womanhood that we ladies should never tire of hearing and challenging ourselves to aspire to. Proverbs 31, verses 10 to 30 took on an entirely new and deeper meaning hearing it as I stood on the brink of becoming a married woman and fully stepping in to the calling that God has for my life. (I think verse 25 is my favorite.)
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Please join us at 11:00 am Mountain Time on Saturday, April 14th.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE WEDDING!
-Lucas and Elysse
PS - if you are unable to join us for the live web stream of the wedding it will be recorded and archived :)
Thursday, February 23, 2012
If you haven't RSVP'd then CLICK HERE TO RSVP!
Wedding of Lucas Baumbach and Elysse Barrett
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Valley Pentecostal Church
2900 Life Way
Click here to get directions!